Friday Fictioneers: Trapped

Posted: September 14, 2012 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

So glad to be back at FF after 2 Fridays off travelling. It always feels great to start Friday with a completed story.

Critique me. Positives, negatives (put constructively)–I love it. We become better writers by recognizing and working on our weaknesses. Also, our stories sound different in our own heads and I’m often surprised by what others hear when they read mine. Feel free to share these perceptions as well.

Just a note on this challenge–I am not a fifth-grade boy and I enjoyed the assignment. 🙂

Trapped

A story about spiders? Dumbest assignment ever. All the good ones had been written. Stories about spiders with special weaving abilities, bigger than life spiders, spiders on roller skates, radioactive spiders that bite you and give you super powers. All he could think of was how Jenny Finch’s hair was like a spider web—straight and pale and shimmery in the morning sun.

He would remember that moment years later as Jenny gazed at him from behind her bridal veil. He would wonder if flies felt this sense of euphoria as they wriggled in the web, waiting for the end.

***

Hope you enjoyed my drabble. Read more great stories or add one of your own at Friday Fictioneers on Madison Woods’ website.

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Comments
  1. Ah, Keli, what a refreshing story. Very sweet and romantic. Thank you…glad you’re back. I’m #4 on the list.

  2. TheOthers1 says:

    I got the impression that she was trapping him. That would make her the spider and him the fly. Or maybe it just felt that way.

    Tried a story, but didn’t link it: https://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/09/13/itsy-bitsy/

    • keliwright says:

      Thanks for your comment. I realized after reading sustainabiliteas comment below that I had put spider instead of fly. Oops. You were right on, although I hope “trapping” doesn’t come across as malicious.

  3. Excellent take and done well. I didn’t get the feeling she trapped him, at least in a bad way, although now that it was mentioned, who knows? It sounded as though he were seeing himself as the spider and the euphoria was that he had “gotten” her. I hope it was the positive sense.

    I have to admit that when he mentioned her hair, I envisioned it standing out all over like a spider web, Gene Wilder-like. 🙂 Your interpretation was much nicer.

    • keliwright says:

      I’m so glad you commented. It made me reread the story and I found I had put a spider in the web instead of a fly. I’ve fixed that. He is the fly, but you are right about his euphoria as well. It is induced by him getting her, or rather that she has gotten him. His life may be ending, but he’s pretty happy about it.

      The image of Gene Wilder’s hair on Jenny’s head is a crack-up!

  4. Russell says:

    I’m afraid it’s just the beginning. I was waiting for someone to use this analogy. If fact, I considered it myself (see the prelude on my story). I love the Gene Wilder remark. Good stuff.

  5. elmowrites says:

    Fantastic! you get bonus points for weaving a love story out of this picture, where so many have gone for horror, but even without that I thought this was a really good piece.

  6. Mike says:

    A great story Kelli. I loved the catalogue of possible spider stories, each one a prompt in itself.
    As for Jenny Finch – an innocent young lady or someone out to trap her man?

  7. rich says:

    someone have a jenny finch obsession?

  8. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear keli, You reached into the prompt and pulled out a winner. lovely connection to the bridal veil. Very cool.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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