Friday Fictioneers: The Menorah

Posted: January 18, 2013 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , ,

Copyright-Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Quick submission today.  Feel free to comment!

Genre: Speculative Fiction

The Menorah

The unnatural way the sun was dropping from the sky bewildered Esther.  She looked around for Toby.  His crayons lay abandoned on the living room table.  She heard a tapping from the den.  He was at it again—trading coloring for more destructive pastimes.  She walked through the doorway, saw him seated on the floor, golden menorah cups scattered around him.  Only one left attached.  His hand held high, hammer ready to descend, he gazed at her with too much knowledge in his eyes.  Esther turned to the window again, considered the blackened noontime sky, and heard metal strike metal.

I hope you enjoyed my drabble.  Read more great flash fiction at Friday Fictioneers’ on Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog.  Or add one of your own!

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Comments
  1. jenniesisler says:

    Interesting. I read it as Toby was a typical toddler until the part about him destroying the menorah. Then I kind of thought of him as the living embodiment of a demon child. I don’t know if that’s what you meant, but that’s how I read it anyway:) Thanks for sharing this.

  2. elmowrites says:

    Doesn’t sound like either of these two will be having the nicest of days! This would make an intriguing opening paragraph – what happens next???

    • keliwright says:

      My constant struggle. Everything I write sounds like an opening. Not a nice day for them. My intent was that the destruction of the menorah equalled the destruction of the world. Whether completely or simply “as they know it,” could be open for discussion, I suppose.

  3. Toby’s actions in conjunction with the “unnatural” sky make your story very ominous and begging for more information!

    janet

  4. the darkening of the sky, the breaking of the menorah, too much knowledge in his eyes, foreboding for us all.

  5. Sandra says:

    Very menacing on all fronts. Nicely done.

  6. claireful says:

    This is my favourite so far this week. So much menace in it. I definitely saw an end of the world / destruction theme. It really feels as if something bad is just about to happen. Great writing.

  7. Dear Keli,
    I really liked this story for a number of reasons. As the mother of sons who were once toddlers anda granddaughter who now is…I could see the tension and feel her frustration. It’s a challenge to keep up with these busy little people.
    One word of crit: I would change “The unnatural way the sun was dropping…” to “the sun dropped” . Stronger IMHO.
    Aside from that don’t change a thing. Incidentally, that particular menorah’s cups to screw off. 😉
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  8. tedstrutz says:

    Poor Esther ***sigh***… and no one said Toby was a child.

  9. I’d be upset too if the sky was turning unnatural colors and some kind of doomsday scenario was descending. Good story. Ron

  10. Sunshine says:

    i feel the dark energy brewing in your story…makes me wonder how it will all turn out.

  11. rich says:

    drabble? shut up. well done. what’s a menorah cup? the part that the candle goes in?

  12. I see Toby could be a child in a grown up body.

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